Fleurella
by Mordor
Summary: Well, Perrault and Grimm had their go at this, so why not me? This was performed by my class, but not under the Harry Potter version. PG for no particular reason, and flammes welcome!


Fairy Godperson: funny, get-to-the-point

A Corrupted Version of Cinderella, HP style

Well, the brothers Grimm had their go at this, and so did Perrault, and even the author of one lovely little book by the name of "Politically Correct Bedtime Stories", so, I decided I would try.This was actually used, or at least, some of it, by my school for the annual play.I played the stepmother, but that's besides the point.Flames are welcome if they have a legitimate point.

Fairy Godperson: Severus Snape

Fleurella: Fleur Delacour

Prince: Dudley Dursley

Stepmother: Krum, who else?

Stepsisters: Pansy Parkinson and Draco Malfoy 

King: Neville Longbottom

Queen: Hermione Granger

Prime minister: Harry Potter, naturally.

_(Everyone walks in character position, and freezes)_

** **

**Snape, aka Fairy Godperson**:

Welcome!This is the story of a young girl called Fleurella.

Now for those of you who are out of touch with the fairytale world, this is Fleurella _(points to Fleurella)_ she has been forced to be a servant by her stepfamily since her father was rendered nonviable._(Points to step family)_ This is her lovely stepfamily._(Points to Dudley)_ This is Dudley.Fleurella's mister right.He's not much to look at, but come on; he's got a Mercedes!I, _(points to self)_ am a Fairy God**_person_**.Please don't ask how I got into this line of work, you don't want to know. Without further a do let's start the show.

_(Waves wand)_ Gentlemen, start your engine._ (Everyone starts moving).__Everyone exits, still in character, except for Neville and Harry)._

**Neville:**

Agitated.

Don't know what to do with the boy._Looks at Harry._

Only yesterday he declared he intended to live his life as a fulfilled and dedicated single person.He also wants to set up a model socialist republic…

**Harry:**

Rocking on his feet.

I can resolve the marriage problem, all you have to do is invite the many young and unmarried women of our country to a ball, and then somehow lure the prince into their midst.

**Neville:**

Interested, looking at Harry.

Good idea.

**Harry:**

Yes, and he can find a model young girl that comes from a family of people that you would want you son acquainted with.Namely people who are politically correct, morally righteous, intellectually astute, culturally tolerant, and who don't drink, smoke, laugh at sexist jokes, watch too much television, listen to country music, or barbecue.

**Neville:**

Smiling.

Yes, very good idea.

Harry exits stage, happily bouncing.

** **

**Neville:**

Now how do I tell him?

Pacing back in forth, occasionally stopping to rub his chin, very agitated.

_ _

**Hermione:**

Walks in, sees Neville, and goes over to him.Neville does not take notice, and keeps pacing.She stops him by putting a hand on his shoulder.

Oh dear.What's wrong now?Has Germany decided to conquer us again?

**Neville:**

Stops, and looks at Hermione.

No this time it's our son…He said yesterday that he was becoming an anarchist…Frankly it worry's me.

**Hermione:**

Oh dear.Looks around and sighs.Ever since he got that guitar-Is cut off by Neville.

**Neville:**

Suddenly.

The Harry just had a good idea.He suggested we hold a ball, and invite all the young girls in the realm.I'll be darned if our son doesn't find anyone suitable there.Dudley makes grand entrance on stage, playing the air guitar.Neville and Hermione look at audience, sigh simultaneously.

**Dudley:**

Sees parents.Takes off sunglasses.

Peace.Makes Peace sign.Looks at expression on parents' faces.Starts to leave.

**Hermione:**

Catches Dudley by the arm.

No dear, your father has something to say.Stays throughout scene and nods.

**Neville:**

Clears his throat.

Er, yes.Son I think it is time for you to get married.We will be having a ball, and hopefully you will find a suitable girl there.

** **

**Dudley**:

Outraged.

Father, this is a totally un-groovy idea!

Its, its_ (stutters)_ like some kind of overdone beauty contest with me as the prize!

**Neville**:

Nonsense!Balls are great.Besides, you need to get married.

**Dudley**:

I'm just waiting for the right girl._(Stares away dreamily)_

**Neville**: __

_(Roles eyes)_

You're a Prince!There is no right girl. _(Waves arms)_ Look at me, I married your mother._(Sniffs)._

_ _

**Dudley**:

But…

**Neville**:

_(Claps hands) _that's enough, end of discussion.You're having a ball, you're getting married, and you're giving me grandchildren.

** **

**Dudley**:

Mumbling 

Some birthday gift…_Exits with Hermione._

_ _

**Neville**:

I don't understand the boy…He should be happy!We're having a ball for him!And he needs to get married…

**Harry**:

Well, Sire, if you don't mind my saying so, these things take time.

**Neville**:

Time?What takes time?

**Harry:**

Well, Your Majesty, love, romance…it all takes time.

**Neville:**

Nonsense!Who said anything about love?

**Harry:**

Sire, you must understand the boy…

**Neville:**

Why?

**Harry:**

You must not push him!

**Neville:**

Why are you giving me orders?

**Harry**:

But…

**Neville**:

Dismissed!We are holding a ball for the prince, and that's final!Now go announce that.

**Harry**:

_Resigned._

Yes Your Majesty.I'll send out mass E-mail._Ticking items off his fingers._I'll hire a cook, musicians, get the servants…_Looks up.The king has been staring at him the whole time._Oh, yes, sorry Sire._Leaves.The King follows close behind._

_ _

Scene 2: Fleurella's house on stage: Fleurella, Krum, one stepsister (Pansy). Krum and Pansy sprawled on couch reading magazines/comics.Fleurella washing floor.Fleurella sings "A dream is a wish your heart makes"

**Krum**: 

Fleurella!!! (Yes really loud and annoyingly despite the fact that Fleurella is almost next to her)

**Fleurella:**

What oh mighty one (the last part is said sarcastically)

**Krum:** You missed a spot. **Fleurella:** Yes, I know any idiot could see zat.

**Krum:**

Uh hu, but you're the one scrubbing the floor.

(_Draco rushes in)_

_ _

**Draco:**

Look everyone! an E- hum thingy from the palace.

** **

**Fleurella:**

E-mail! E-mail! It's called an E-mail!

** **

**Draco:**

Oh well whatever.

**Krum:**

Somebody has an attitude problem.

**Fleurella:**

_(To audience)_ And somebody has an intelligence problem.

**Pansy:**

What was in the e-mail? 

**Draco: **

An invitation to Dudleys' bride finding ball.

(SM, P, and G all jump up and down and squeal. Fleurella joins in after a moment.Krum, Draco, and Pansy all stare at her)

**Fleurella:**

What?

**Pansy:**

Do you think you're going?

**Fleurella:**

Yeah.

(All stare at her and then burst into cackles of laughter)

**Krum: **

Of course you can go after you do the following:

1.)Teach the pigs to fly

2.)Learn Swahili

3.)And get Nader elected.

**Fleurella:**

But…

(All exit. Fleurella last after a few minutes elapse)

Scene 3: 

(Fleurella sweeping floor excited Krum, Draco, and Pansy enter in ball clothes)

**Krum:**

Hey Fleurella where are the pigs.

**Fleurella:**

Zey're all stuck in the trees.Bacon for breakfast.

**Pansy:**

Oh you're just sore because we are going to the ball and you're not.

**Krum:**

Come along girls!

_(All exeunt except Fleurella, who sits down.)_

_ _

**Fleurella** _(dreamily)_:

How I would love to go to the ball! (_Stares emptily at fire, and sings "No Matter How your heart is grieving, If you still keep on believing, the dreams that you wish will come true.")_

_ _

Snape enters airily; Fleurella gets up, backs away, and stares.

** **

**Snape:**

Hello, Fleurella.I am your fairy Godperson, or individual deity proxy, if you prefer.So, you want to go to the ball, eh?

**Fleurella:**

Well, I was just thinking what it would be like…

**Snape:**

_(Waves hand)_ Same thing.Let me get this straight, you want to bind yourself into the male concept of beauty?Squeeze into some tight fitting dress that will cut off your circulation?Jam your feet into high-heeled shoes that ruin your bone structure?Paint your face with chemicals and make-up that have been tested on non-human animals?

** **

**Fleurella:**

(Jumps up and down delightedly)

Oh yes, definitely!

**Snape:**

(Sighs)

I guess I'll put off your political education to another day._Waves wand._

**Fleurella:**

Oh!_(Squeals)_ Ze dress is so beautiful!But how will I get to ze palace?

**Snape:**

Looks around, then points to pumpkin. 

Is that an organically grown pumpkin, over there?

**Fleurella:**

Yes, certainly!

**Snape:**

One last thing dear, you will have to come back before midnight. Waves wand, sings "bibbity bobbity boo", lights go out.

Scene 4.Palace ballroom, everyone dancing, people move around.

Dudley sitting down, looking bored.

**Neville:**

Hello dear, have you met any of the girls?

**Dudley:**

(Drawling voice)

Yeah.They assault me every five minutes.

**Neville:**

Well go talk to them!Walks off stage.

**Dudley:**

Whines.

Oh maaaan.You're totally bumming my groove.Walks towards Pansy.

**Pansy:**

Your majesty! Makes clumsy curtsy.

**Dudley:**

Peace.Makes peace sign.

**Pansy:**

Lovely weather we've been having for this time of year!

**Dudley:**

Yes, it's been raining for two months straight.Wonderful weather..

**Draco:**

What a wonderful ball this is.How handsome you look today, your highness!

Draco elbowed away by Krum.

**Krum:**

I see you have met my daughters!They are simply lovely, aren't they? 

**Dudley:**

Looking as though someone had just died.

They're…Different.

Music stops, Dudley sees Fleurella, walks towards her.

**Dudley:**

Smiling.

Groovy.

Dudley and Fleurella go to middle of stage, and start dancing, singing, "So this is love".Everyone lines up to the side, and joins in.At end of song, Fleurella and Dudley dance off to corner of stage, others resume dancing.Krum and stepsisters go to center of stage and sing, "Why would a fellow want a girl like her".After song Fleurella runs off. 

**Dudley:**

Unhappy

Un-groovy.Waves arms frantically.After her!

Attendant rushes out, then back in carrying glass slipper.Krum and sisters smirk.

** **

**Harry:**

This is all I found, your highness.

**Dudley:**

Holding shoe.

I've got a cool idea.I'll try the slipper on every girl in the kingdom and I will find her.Dancers and attendants exit stage.

**Neville:**

Walks back onto stage with Hermione, waltzes around, then spots Dudley.

So, who's the lucky girl?Smiles.

**Dudley:**

Crestfallen.

She ran away.

**Hermione:**

Puts a hand to her ear.

Didn't catch that.She did what?

** **

**Dudley:**

Louder.

SHE RAN AWAY.

**Neville:**

Choking

Oh.What's her name?

**Dudley:**

Er…

**Neville:**

Frantic.

You mean you don't even know her name?What were you calling her?Hey You?

**Dudley:**

Shrugs, walks off stage.Hermione follows after him.

**Neville:**

Resigned.

Kids.Looks towards where Dudley exited.Well by God, he'd better find her!Walks out.

Curtain closes.

Scene 5.Fleurella's house again Stepfamily flounces in.

Fleurella sweeping in front of chimney.

**Fleurella:**

So how was the ball?

**Draco:**

It was…Breathtaking.The prince danced with me for over an hour!Falls on couch.

**Pansy:**

And he danced with me for two hours.Dreamily. He's so wonderful.Very enthusiastic, and funny!

**Krum:**

But how would you know?You're just a sooty peasant.

** **

** **

**Fleurella:**

But I can imagine.I see…a great palace with candles everywhere, long golden drapes.Twirls around.A wonderful feast, beautiful women wearing silk gowns, handsome men in fancy clothes. And the prince…

**Pansy:**

Excited.

You're right!You're right!

**Draco:**

Dancing with imaginary person.

Dudley…

Fleurella, Pansy, and Draco start singing "a lovely night".Krum eyes Fleurella suspiciously. At end of song Fleurella curtsies, and Krum pounces on her.

**Krum:**

Enough!Such childish fancies!Sends Stepsisters off stage.They leave grumbling.

Preposterous.That's what did your mother in, dreaming all the time, never looking at reality.To think the Dudley could ever like you is preposterous!You little filthy peasant.The only thing you will ever do is serve people.You are no more than a little childish brat, full of fanciful dreams that will never come true.

She exits stage.Fleurella starts to cry.There is a knock on the door, and Pansy comes out to answer it.The rest of the family comes in and Krum seeing Dudley pushes Fleurella off stage.

**Harry:**

Takes out parchment.

Hear ye, hear ye, maidens of this house-Is interrupted by Dudley.

**Dudley:**

Sulkily.

Get to the point.

**Harry:**

Roles up paper.

Ah, yes.We have come with the shoe.To Pansy:Would you care to try it on?

**Pansy:**

Squeals

Oh yes.Tries to jam foot into shoe, but fails.Is elbowed away by Draco.

**Draco:**

Let me try it on!Anyone can see that the shoe is **my** size! Tries to push it on, also fails.

**Dudley:**

Irritated.

Are there any other women here?

**Krum:**

Looks around then pushes out sisters away.

Yes, Me.

Sticks out her foot.

**Dudley:**

Any other **women**?

**Krum:**

Keeps foot out, stubbornly.

Humpf.

**Harry:**

Resigned.

Oh, God help me.

**Krum:**

Jams shoe on.

It fits, it fits!Face twisted in pain.Take it off!Oww!My circulation!Hits attendant.Take it off!Attendant takes shoe off.

Fleurella has in the meantime walked back onto stage.Krum tries to block her out, but she slips through.

**Fleurella:**

Stepping forward.

Can I try it on?  
  


**Dudley:**

Smiling.

cool.

Fleurella tries on shoe, it fits.

**Dudley:**

Jumping up and down.

Totally Cool!

**Krum:**

No, this is not happening!

He exits.

**Neville:**

Enters stage With Hermione.Claps hands, smiles.

You found her, good job!

**Snape:**

Smiles.

Yes, good job!

**Hermione:**

Notices Snape.

You're a fairy Godmother?Excellent!

**Snape:**

Smiles.

Yes, I'm a Fairy God**person**.You're the queen?

**Hermione:**

Happily.

Yes yes!How did you get into that line of busyness?

**Snape:**

Took it up as some kind of a hobby…

The two of them exit the stage, alienating the king, who follows indignantly.

**Fleurella:**

Takes Dudleys hand.

I knew you'd find me!

**Dudley:**

Happy.

Groovy.

Fleurella and him go off holding hands

Draco and Pansy, both sitting on a bench start crying.Harry comes in and says: "Girls!Er, well, yeah Draco too---stop crying!This is how it's supposed to end!Haven't you seen the movie?"And then gets chased off by them.

**The End**

** **

Well, that was a strange little romp, wasn't it?Ha.He.Right O, my next project is Twelfth night, by Shakespeare, and of course, twisted by my tormented mind into something mangled and unrecognizable.But that, of course depends on you, dearest readers, and what you think of this piece of work.Dependably yours,

-Mordor 

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End file.
